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[Mar. 22nd, 2009|10:37 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  stressed | ] |
This weekend has not been a success. I had three stated goals; if I had accomplished even one of them, then I would have considered it worthwhile.
* Catch up on Uni work
* Catch up on Work work
* De-stress
As it is, I lacked motivation for anything related to anything useful. I wound up spending most of the time hitting "Attack" on MechQuest because it was brainless.
But I broke down into tears twice today - once onto Chris, who managed to make me feel a little better while he was here. ("You're so stressed about these things because you care about them a lot." "Yeah, but 'caring' doesn't get them done.") We hung out on the trampoline for a while, because I realised that I had barely seen the sun in three days. Fresh air may have helped, marginally, but I am unconvinced.
And now I'm too spun out to sleep, despite trying to go to bed half an hour ago. I've been lying there, trying to do some vague form of meditation - thinking of blackness every time a thought intrudes, and breathing evenly - but the universe is winning. Sometimes writing in here is a form of therapy.
Gods, I'm tired of this.
-Mmaster |
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[Mar. 22nd, 2009|01:25 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drained | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Let That Be Enough, Switchfoot | ] |
I'm falling to pieces.
I knew this would happen.
-Mmaster |
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| Like a zero drowning in a sea of higher numbers... |
[Mar. 20th, 2009|07:00 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | stressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Terminal Annexe, Harvey Danger | ] |
It's 7:00 and already I want to cry. Somehow, I doubt today will improve.
-Mmaster |
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[Nov. 1st, 2008|11:27 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | I Am For You, Waking Ashland | ] |
My body has apparently decided, once again, that sleep is for the weak.
...Yays.
-Mmaster |
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[Oct. 25th, 2008|12:58 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Build God Then We'll Talk, Panic At The Disco | ] |
Why do I have to be the strong one?!? :'(
-Mmaster |
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| It's raining. |
[Apr. 18th, 2008|11:15 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | T-Shirt Weather, The Lucksmiths | ] |
Hey Mike; you busy?
All this sunshine's making me dizzy
Went outside, all my clothes dried
And if I'm babbling, please forgive me
'Cause it's the first hint of sunshine
For a week or so I'd say
I'm keeping well, I'm in good health
But I sneezed when I looked into the sun today...
...Only not.
Every time I even come close to poking my nose out of doors, it starts raining. It keeps clearing up in the middle of the day - while I'm at work. Much good that does me. The rain clears by the time I'm going home, but there's no sun at 10PM, either. I don't think I've actually stood in sunshine for a week or two. Fast track to Seasonal Affective Disorder, who?
Also, I'm returning to the Winter Sniffles (TM). But they don't seem to actually go anyplace - I'm not feeling better or worse, I just have a blocked nose and occasionally cough. Gah.
-Mmaster
PS: On the other hand, tonight's the Lucksmiths gig. I can already taste the irony of them playing T-Shirt Weather... |
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| Ergh. Exhaustion makes typing as slow as a wet week. Also the sticky keyboard. |
[Feb. 1st, 2008|07:00 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  whiny | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Sunday Morning Coming Down, Johnny Cash | ] |
I hate my body clock so damn much right now. I mean, yes, the whole "inability to sleep in" in is useful in certain circumstances, but "Get to bed at 12:45 and wake up at 6:15 by force of habit" was not on my desired list of things to do today.
In case you suggest "Roll over and go back to sleep", that would be the reason this is timestamped at seven o'clock rather than six twenty; I tried to do so and failed miserably.
I've mostly caught up on the Internet after the trip away, but still have two corners to read. One of which I was already behind in.
My room is a complete shambles, since I haven't so much "unpacked" as "dumped the contents of the bag onto my floor, dug out the dirty things (and put them into the clothes hamper)". To make the issue worse, the dirty things have been washed and returned to me, so they're also clogging up the floor. Well, the futon, but whatever.
...However, neither Bianca or Tristian are here to cause a mess, since they're both at Uni. As is the trolley that I carried them in on.
Parents have decided to spend from today till Monday at Wairo. I get to stay home and mind the dog. Yay.
The Internet at our house is on the fritz for no obvious reason - it keeps cutting out at random intervals. Rebooting the modem seems to help. I'm thinking I really need to leave it unplugged for a day or so and see if that helps.
The aircon at work is being equally ineffective - mid last week, it was actually broken (as in, no air whatsoever), and thus far they don't seem to have fixed it completely. We're up to "air is circulating but not being cooled", now. Fabian's guess is that the building has two aircon units, and only one is actually working.
My shoes are dying, but impossible to replace (since none of the shoes stores seem to be getting any new summer stock in). And I have a list as long as my arm of things that need purchasing, of varying urgency - some of it's for ProgSoc, some for my own personal amusement/whatever. And some to take to work, since the scrollwheel on the mouse I'm using is retarded (the outer wheel isn't affixed to the inner workings, so after a while it starts slipping without actually scrolling).
This keyboard is sticky as hell and needs cleaning, but I don't know how and can't be bothered learning right now.
I'm sure there's other things I could add, but that's enough random complaints for a Friday morning first thing. I should point out that life is generally good, I just woke up with a sinus headache from lack of sleep, and felt like listing the things that were currently sucking. Food will probably make me feel better, when I get around to getting up.
-Mmaster |
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| Elmo, whisper in my ear: I really want to hear the things you did today that satisfied you... |
[Sep. 19th, 2007|11:43 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  whiiiine | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Pride, Elmo and The Goo Goo Dolls | ] |
Two short whines:
* Muhhhhhhmy, I don't want to do work...
* The bus driver made me throw away my Coke. And I still had most of it left. *pouts*
SDP team meeting soon. No motivation, and I'm feeling the lack of said Coke. I'm also not sure if I actually did everything I was expected to, because I sent it to them and got no response. Whee...
-Mmaster
PS: I have this song stuck in my head on repeat. Though I guess it's better than Good Charlotte's Dance Floor Anthem, which is what it's warring with... |
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[Aug. 15th, 2007|11:48 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | whiny | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Stand Tall, Primary Urge | ] |
Mreh.
Lacking focus.
Discovered I'm approaching SDP task from the wrong direction.
Cramps.
SDP meeting this afternoon.
Lacking Coke.
Ratty.
*pouts* *whines incoherently*
-Mmaster |
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| I think I'm gonna be sad, I think it's today: the girl that's drivin' me mad is goin' away... |
[Jun. 22nd, 2007|09:20 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | You Can Breathe, Jack's Mannequin | ] |
*whine*
See, I'm supposed to be feeling jubilant at the point. As of midday, I'm done with exams for the semester.
However, I can't really summon much more than an "Eh." kind of feeling.
Guess how I celebrated finishing the semester. Go on, guess.
...By helping Liz to clean the ProgSoc room. Whoo, party on.
Also by watching movies with Chris, but that got cut short and will probably be spread over about seven different days instead of the originally intended three - assuming we can even find those seven. Not that it's really suprising, the original plan was more or less a pipe dream.
Stress and lack of sleep have also finally caught up with me, giving me half the symptoms of a cold without any of the closure. Yay! My throat hasn't quite reached the level of "sore" as yet - at the moment, it's more like 'tight': okay to breathe, but uncomfortable to yawn or swallow.
Right now, I can't even summon enthusiasm for the things I've been looking forward to as "Once you get through exams, you can enjoy ____" type things. That particular fact may improve come morning, after a decent night's rest... But at the moment, I just wish to curl into a small ball and die. Yay!
...But even the Southern Cross was celebrating tonight - you could almost see the fourth star, a rarity in the Sydney smog.
-Mmaster |
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| I would tell you that I loved you, if I thought that you would stay; but I know that it's no use... |
[Jun. 20th, 2007|03:03 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | stressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Boys Don't Cry, The Cure | ] |
Can I go home now? My brain is full. The fact that I have an exam at six o'clock is irrelevant.
I've been here since about ten o'clock. Focus has been as scattered as standard, but I don't think I've left the room as yet since I got here.
I don't know enough of the stuff for the exam I've got in three hours to do well on it at this point - I basically have three chapters out of ten that I'm less than comfortable with, and more isn't going in. There's a few more where I don't know everything, but can often stumble my way to the correct answer. It's multiple choice - it doesn't really make it that much (or any) easier, but at least that way you know you have at least a one in four chance of getting the mark; and you can sometimes work out the answer by looking at the options. I only need fifty percent in the exam to pass the subject, but I'd very much prefer to do well in it; I enjoy it, when I don't have to try and memorise guff.
People apparently think the ProgSoc room's a message service; I've seen about four people come past today asking for James. Stress is making me mutter at their presence even more than I would on an ordinary day.
I'm also probably hungry, which doesn't help matters. And since I forgot to pack dinner, I'm going to have to buy something before I head to the exam. Whee...
Tomorrow I also apparently have to stick around at home long enough to pat my grandmother on the head and tell her she can delete files. *eyeroll* And my father can't do this, because...?
*whine* Stupid headache.
-Mmaster |
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| I can't brain today. I have the lazy. |
[Jun. 6th, 2007|02:48 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  lethargic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Take Me Home Tonight, Eddie Money | ] |
I really don't want to do anything today.
I've been trying to force myself to do something useful (even get dressed or have lunch, both of which qualify as "useful" in some counts), and it's all too much effort. I can't even pretend to myself that I deserve some time off, because I haven't done any study in days.
Part of the problem is probably that I woke up with a bad crick in my neck from a badly chosen pillow, accompanied by the delight of stomach cramps. Admittedly, Neurofen would probably help in both of those, but figuring out where we've stashed it is, again, too much effort.
In the last few days, to avoid study, I have:
* Baked the cake that ended up being CK's birthday cake
* Tidied the CompSoc room
* Dismantled Orgo mark 1
* Played SNES
Today's effort was searching Google and Google variants for assorted things related to this DJ and the like:
Shoulder Angel says: I think Google's blog search is broken
James says: Why do you think that?
Shoulder Angel says: Compare URL 1 to URL 2
James says: lol. interesting
James says: luckily, my blog seems to work fine
Shoulder Angel says: Yeah, I noticed that
James says: then again, having a domain name helps
James says: especially for google
Shoulder Angel says: It IS a domain name. Though it's a subdomain. But it's still a domain.
James says: yea.. but i had a subdomain previously.. and google just didnt seem to want to index my page.. as soon as i moved to the domain name my blog came up 2nd in google aafter my flickr account
Shoulder Angel says: http://www.google.com/search?q=site%3Ammaster.deadjournal.com
Shoulder Angel says: I win :P
James says: you sure do. even googling mmaster comes up with your deadjournal as the first entry :P
Shoulder Angel says: And my LJ as the second entry, even more sadly :P
James says: yea
James says: at least searching for my name brings up some pretty accurate results for me these days
Shoulder Angel says: Margaret Colville was born in 1886. She was the daughter of Charles Robert William Colville, 2nd Viscount Colville of Culross and Ruby Streatfeild. ... James says: lol.. wow... i never knew you were that old ;)
Shoulder Angel says: Smart aleck :P
James says: yes, If you were here I think you would be poking me right now
James says: or I'd be running from said poking
Shoulder Angel says: Very probably
Shoulder Angel says: Interesting. The pages that turn up on the first pages of Google results for my name that are actually me are ProgSoc ones, and a contribution or two to a Gmail help group
...Rar.
-Mmaser |
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[May. 7th, 2007|12:04 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  Feeling Strangely Fine | ] |
| [ | music |
| | I Write Sins Not Tragedies, Panic! At The Disco | ] |
Ever get the feeling you just shouldn't have got up this morning?
I woke up with aching muscles, from a combination of an uncomfortable bed and lack of sleep. Oh, and the fact that my period started last night. The futon is bent in the middle, making it painful (and creaky), but I actually fall asleep lying on it, as opposed to my real bed. Well, except that recently, where I haven't been able to sleep either way. Yay for insomnia and whacked sleeping patterns!
I read the 'net for a little longer than I was intending, and ended up running late.
Then, as I was preparing breakfast, I spilt juice onto my toast and the floor. As I rushed to clean it up, I slipped on said floor and spilled both glasses (one of milk, one of juice) all over the table. Yay for curdled milk slop... Cleaning up the table and floor took another extended period of time, meaning I was running even further behind.
I looked at my watch, and because I'd accidentally hit the "World Time" button, it Noumea (sp?) time, an hour later than Sydney time, so I thought it was 9:10 as I waited for the bus, adding to stress levels.
I got to Uni with just enough time to dump my stuff in the room, then head off to class. Not that attending did much good, because my stomach was cramping and hence my attention was shot. And I proceeded to lose my blue pen, though I managed to find it at the end as I packed up. I realised that I hadn't tried the online practice test for DSPP, and I only had half an hour to do so.
I did the test. The invigilators gave us one set of instructions, then the lecturer came in and gave us diametrically opposite instructions. And at literally the last minute, I realised I'd spent however much time approaching one of the tasks from entirely the wrong angle, and now did not have time to change it.
I have Network Servers in half an hour, and despite being almost caught up, I'm still no more enthusiastic about it.
...Strangely, I'm still in a surprisingly good mood. I can't quite work out why. Talk to me after NS, I probably won't be nearly so optimistic then.
-Mmaster |
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| Mirroring http://mmaster.livejournal.com/23753.html |
[May. 1st, 2006|07:23 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | frustrated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | It Ends Tonight, The All-American Rejects | ] |
I am in an awful mood. I want to rip something to shreds and then set fire to the pieces.
Prove to me that the world should be allowed to live.
-Mmaster |
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