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[Mar. 22nd, 2009|10:37 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  stressed | ] |
This weekend has not been a success. I had three stated goals; if I had accomplished even one of them, then I would have considered it worthwhile.
* Catch up on Uni work
* Catch up on Work work
* De-stress
As it is, I lacked motivation for anything related to anything useful. I wound up spending most of the time hitting "Attack" on MechQuest because it was brainless.
But I broke down into tears twice today - once onto Chris, who managed to make me feel a little better while he was here. ("You're so stressed about these things because you care about them a lot." "Yeah, but 'caring' doesn't get them done.") We hung out on the trampoline for a while, because I realised that I had barely seen the sun in three days. Fresh air may have helped, marginally, but I am unconvinced.
And now I'm too spun out to sleep, despite trying to go to bed half an hour ago. I've been lying there, trying to do some vague form of meditation - thinking of blackness every time a thought intrudes, and breathing evenly - but the universe is winning. Sometimes writing in here is a form of therapy.
Gods, I'm tired of this.
-Mmaster |
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[Mar. 22nd, 2009|01:25 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drained | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Let That Be Enough, Switchfoot | ] |
I'm falling to pieces.
I knew this would happen.
-Mmaster |
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| Like a zero drowning in a sea of higher numbers... |
[Mar. 20th, 2009|07:00 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | stressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Terminal Annexe, Harvey Danger | ] |
It's 7:00 and already I want to cry. Somehow, I doubt today will improve.
-Mmaster |
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[Nov. 1st, 2008|11:27 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | I Am For You, Waking Ashland | ] |
My body has apparently decided, once again, that sleep is for the weak.
...Yays.
-Mmaster |
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[Oct. 25th, 2008|12:58 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Build God Then We'll Talk, Panic At The Disco | ] |
Why do I have to be the strong one?!? :'(
-Mmaster |
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| It's raining. |
[Apr. 18th, 2008|11:15 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | T-Shirt Weather, The Lucksmiths | ] |
Hey Mike; you busy?
All this sunshine's making me dizzy
Went outside, all my clothes dried
And if I'm babbling, please forgive me
'Cause it's the first hint of sunshine
For a week or so I'd say
I'm keeping well, I'm in good health
But I sneezed when I looked into the sun today...
...Only not.
Every time I even come close to poking my nose out of doors, it starts raining. It keeps clearing up in the middle of the day - while I'm at work. Much good that does me. The rain clears by the time I'm going home, but there's no sun at 10PM, either. I don't think I've actually stood in sunshine for a week or two. Fast track to Seasonal Affective Disorder, who?
Also, I'm returning to the Winter Sniffles (TM). But they don't seem to actually go anyplace - I'm not feeling better or worse, I just have a blocked nose and occasionally cough. Gah.
-Mmaster
PS: On the other hand, tonight's the Lucksmiths gig. I can already taste the irony of them playing T-Shirt Weather... |
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| Ergh. Exhaustion makes typing as slow as a wet week. Also the sticky keyboard. |
[Feb. 1st, 2008|07:00 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  whiny | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Sunday Morning Coming Down, Johnny Cash | ] |
I hate my body clock so damn much right now. I mean, yes, the whole "inability to sleep in" in is useful in certain circumstances, but "Get to bed at 12:45 and wake up at 6:15 by force of habit" was not on my desired list of things to do today.
In case you suggest "Roll over and go back to sleep", that would be the reason this is timestamped at seven o'clock rather than six twenty; I tried to do so and failed miserably.
I've mostly caught up on the Internet after the trip away, but still have two corners to read. One of which I was already behind in.
My room is a complete shambles, since I haven't so much "unpacked" as "dumped the contents of the bag onto my floor, dug out the dirty things (and put them into the clothes hamper)". To make the issue worse, the dirty things have been washed and returned to me, so they're also clogging up the floor. Well, the futon, but whatever.
...However, neither Bianca or Tristian are here to cause a mess, since they're both at Uni. As is the trolley that I carried them in on.
Parents have decided to spend from today till Monday at Wairo. I get to stay home and mind the dog. Yay.
The Internet at our house is on the fritz for no obvious reason - it keeps cutting out at random intervals. Rebooting the modem seems to help. I'm thinking I really need to leave it unplugged for a day or so and see if that helps.
The aircon at work is being equally ineffective - mid last week, it was actually broken (as in, no air whatsoever), and thus far they don't seem to have fixed it completely. We're up to "air is circulating but not being cooled", now. Fabian's guess is that the building has two aircon units, and only one is actually working.
My shoes are dying, but impossible to replace (since none of the shoes stores seem to be getting any new summer stock in). And I have a list as long as my arm of things that need purchasing, of varying urgency - some of it's for ProgSoc, some for my own personal amusement/whatever. And some to take to work, since the scrollwheel on the mouse I'm using is retarded (the outer wheel isn't affixed to the inner workings, so after a while it starts slipping without actually scrolling).
This keyboard is sticky as hell and needs cleaning, but I don't know how and can't be bothered learning right now.
I'm sure there's other things I could add, but that's enough random complaints for a Friday morning first thing. I should point out that life is generally good, I just woke up with a sinus headache from lack of sleep, and felt like listing the things that were currently sucking. Food will probably make me feel better, when I get around to getting up.
-Mmaster |
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| Elmo, whisper in my ear: I really want to hear the things you did today that satisfied you... |
[Sep. 19th, 2007|11:43 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  whiiiine | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Pride, Elmo and The Goo Goo Dolls | ] |
Two short whines:
* Muhhhhhhmy, I don't want to do work...
* The bus driver made me throw away my Coke. And I still had most of it left. *pouts*
SDP team meeting soon. No motivation, and I'm feeling the lack of said Coke. I'm also not sure if I actually did everything I was expected to, because I sent it to them and got no response. Whee...
-Mmaster
PS: I have this song stuck in my head on repeat. Though I guess it's better than Good Charlotte's Dance Floor Anthem, which is what it's warring with... |
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| It takes a long time just to get this all straight; take my love in these small doses... |
[Sep. 18th, 2007|07:52 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | frustrated, headache, etc | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Obstacle 2, Interpol | ] |
Someday, someone will murder the moronic bus drivers, and the world will be a better place.
I got to the bus stop well ahead of time. Signalled the driver, and he sailed on past; fine, I'm used to that. Annoying, but what can you do?
So I run, full pelt, to the next bus stop, and get there just as the doors are closing. I knock on the window, and he pointedly looks the other way, and drives off.
What?!?
Meanwhile, I'm sitting there having a massive coughing fit, because I was always a terrible runner and being unfit has made it worse. So I'm probably going to spend the next week coughing up my lungs; my teeth also hurt for like half an hour while I was waiting for the next bus. Yay!
Also in the irritation front, I've had a minor headache (probably from fatigue) backed by no motivation, all day. Somehow I still managed to do about two and a half hours' worth of work, plus a visit to the library to borrow a large stack of Perl books (that proceeded to break my bag on the trip from there to the room) - now I just need to find time to read and act upon them before I have to return them. *sigh*
If you don't trust yourself for at least one minute each day
Well you should trust in this, girl, cause loving is coming our way...
-Mmaster |
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| You're scared, ashamed of what you feel; and you can't tell the ones you love... |
[Sep. 5th, 2007|09:48 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cynical | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Look Down, Les Misérables | ] |
I'm suddenly in a horrible mood. Like, literally, five-minute lightswitch. I'm not sure whether I've had too much sugar or not enough, but whatever it is, it's wrong.
It's been a while since I've seen my snark, and I'm not sure I like that he's come back.
-Mmaster |
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| I'm not even supposed to BE here today! (/Clerks) |
[Aug. 19th, 2007|10:48 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cold | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Happiness Is A Chemical, Darren Hanlon | ] |
I tried to write an opera for us
But I didn’t get that far
’Cause trying to sum you up in song
Is like catching sunlight in a jar
You know how I go to dog training on Sunday mornings?
You know how it was absolutely pouring this morning?
My desire to stay home and pretend to work on SDP stuff was overruled.
I am now cold, wet, and we left before classes were supposed to start.
Rarrrr...
-Mmaster |
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[Aug. 15th, 2007|11:48 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | whiny | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Stand Tall, Primary Urge | ] |
Mreh.
Lacking focus.
Discovered I'm approaching SDP task from the wrong direction.
Cramps.
SDP meeting this afternoon.
Lacking Coke.
Ratty.
*pouts* *whines incoherently*
-Mmaster |
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| Can't sleep. Commitments will eat me. |
[Aug. 11th, 2007|06:32 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | ratty | ] |
| [ | music |
| | I woke up with Obvioiusly by McFly in my head | ] |
It's 6:30.
I don't wish to be awake.
But I can't get back to sleep.
And I have stuff that I've promised to do this morning, as well.
Rarrarrrrr... *flails confusedly*
-Mmaster |
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[Aug. 10th, 2007|08:19 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | exhausted | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Wish I Had An Angel by Nightwish in my head | ] |
*whines*
*coughs loudly*
*hold head in hands*
I don't want to go to school today, Mummy. I really really really really don't...
Hey, Chris! Remember how last semester, I was trying to stop you from burning out? I think I might need the favour returned. It's only the second week, and I'm already exhausted and ratty.
* Read mail
* Deal with mail
* Refill water bottle
* Burn CD of photos
* Copy photos onto Tristian
* Give CD to Chris
* Print timesheet
* Printscreen websites?
* Do some effort towards whatever group leaders are supposed to have done (WTH?)
* Formal Team Meeting at 1100
* Prod CK into digging up a digital copy of poster
* Get the Internet counters to zero?
* Get poster/s laminated
* Photocopying
* Find out if my idea qualifies for IAJ
* IAJ reading
* IAJ lecture at 1800
* Call Richard
* Collapse
...Funnily enough, the last one is the one I really want to do. Right about now, would be nice. *sigh*
-Mmaster |
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| I think I'm gonna be sad, I think it's today: the girl that's drivin' me mad is goin' away... |
[Jun. 22nd, 2007|09:20 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | You Can Breathe, Jack's Mannequin | ] |
*whine*
See, I'm supposed to be feeling jubilant at the point. As of midday, I'm done with exams for the semester.
However, I can't really summon much more than an "Eh." kind of feeling.
Guess how I celebrated finishing the semester. Go on, guess.
...By helping Liz to clean the ProgSoc room. Whoo, party on.
Also by watching movies with Chris, but that got cut short and will probably be spread over about seven different days instead of the originally intended three - assuming we can even find those seven. Not that it's really suprising, the original plan was more or less a pipe dream.
Stress and lack of sleep have also finally caught up with me, giving me half the symptoms of a cold without any of the closure. Yay! My throat hasn't quite reached the level of "sore" as yet - at the moment, it's more like 'tight': okay to breathe, but uncomfortable to yawn or swallow.
Right now, I can't even summon enthusiasm for the things I've been looking forward to as "Once you get through exams, you can enjoy ____" type things. That particular fact may improve come morning, after a decent night's rest... But at the moment, I just wish to curl into a small ball and die. Yay!
...But even the Southern Cross was celebrating tonight - you could almost see the fourth star, a rarity in the Sydney smog.
-Mmaster |
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| WTH, body? |
[Jun. 22nd, 2007|04:56 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  awake | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Hill$ong, The Chaser | ] |
I got to bed at midnight. Despite leaving ProgSoc early.
I tossed and turned for quite some time before I finally fell asleep.
I am now awake, at five minutes to five.
...I'm probably going to be doing my exam this morning on pure adrenaline. Yay!
-Mmaster |
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| From certain angles, the skyline untangles... |
[Jun. 14th, 2007|04:44 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | emo | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Cassingle Revival, The Lucksmiths | ] |
Is it odd to be jealous of things you never actually wanted?
I never wanted to be considered pretty; to put it bluntly, that would require time and effort that I would rather devote to other things. It's probably a good thing, since I'm certainly not a raving beauty and never would be. But I have good days, days where I make an effort, and people generally don't notice either way.
However, on the occasions that they do, I don't know how to handle it. Thomas has seen me snap at him for passing me a compliment. Mostly because it happens so rarely that I always doubt its sincerity.
Especially when I listen to people ramble about how pretty others are. Nora's the one who gets hit on in bars. I'm the one who has to stand there and act as bodyguard so the guys don't talk to her.
It's probably at the forefront, because I've had at least two people in the last two days say things like "Oh, it's a nice photo of you: I can't see your face". Yes, I know they're joking; it doesn't mean I appreciate its implications.
*sigh*
-Mmaster |
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| You fight for your life, because a fighter never quits! |
[Jun. 14th, 2007|11:46 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | cold | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Warriors Code, The Dropkick Murphys | ] |
*groans*
*huddles in her corner of the couch, clutching her RE notes reluctantly*
I have such a massive craving for hot chocolate right now. But if I get one, I'll fall asleep.
And I'm trying to resist the Coke till later. It helps keep the headache at bay (Yay, I'm an addict), but I don't want to spend too much at the moment. ...Also don't want to depend more on caffeine than I have to.
...I hate studying.
-Mmaster |
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| Grargh. Two questions, headache, break, two questions, headache, break... |
[Jun. 12th, 2007|02:58 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | irritated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Pierce My Brain, Rubber City Rebels | ] |
Ah, a bitter "Welcome back" to my study/boredom allergy.
-Mmaster |
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| I've woke up on one too many floors, but my favourite was yours... |
[Jun. 10th, 2007|09:53 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  I'm not stressed... Yet. | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Goodness Gracious, The Lucksmiths | ] |
It finally stopped raining, after hitting varying states of deluge for the past several days straight. It was sprinkling this morning at Dog Training; we headed inside for a meeting, and when we came back out there was sunshine.
I got nothing accomplished today. *wrinkles nose* So what else is new?
I have essentially a week to learn three subjects. Yay, fun. *eyeroll*
To procrastinate, as previously noted, I've been picking up my SNES controller again. I don't know whether my skill with video games has improved since the mid nineties, but I don't remember the game being this easy... I got the hardest exit in the game with next to no effort.
...Admittedly, I'm being stymied at a castle at the moment, but I've been getting to the boss stage on that level as well, and just need to time my jumps better, I think.
The Lucksmiths' music is pretty. Rob, I have a sneaking suspicion you'd like them, though I don't know why, since they bear no resemblance to anything I remember you enjoying.
( The Lucksmiths' The Cassingle Revival )
Anyway, I think I'll try and head to bed early, and get my sleeping patterns back to my normal cycle. Probably won't manage it, but whatever.
-Mmaster |
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