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[Jun. 22nd, 2009|09:51 pm] |
Chris and I went to see Wil Anderson live last night. So awesome. :D.
About ten minutes before we walked in the door, I had to explain to him that we were not seeing Adam Hills.
Some snippets:
* He found a 14 year old audience member and was like, "Are you a boy or a girl?"
* I don't understand how Skype works. We have video phones! We're in the future! Why aren't people more amazed? Where is my jet pack?!?
* This Wil Anderson character sucks. He's not half as good as Adam Hills, and that guy only has one foot!
* I had seven a half months last year where I was single and didn't have sex. I found myself getting angry at people who were having sex that I felt were less deserving than I was. The 15 year old from Ballarat who got an American woman to fly out to sleep with him! Everyone was outraged. I was outraged too. "I'm on TV!"
* I love people from Mount Druitt. Be sure to laugh hard, Mt Druitt people, when you get these jokes tomorrow.
* Ballarat is the kind of place where people from Mt Druitt people can look at them and say "You're a fucking bogan".
* They're all so worried about the financial crisis. "It affects you, too, Wil. Your house is worth 20% less than it was this time last year!" "Dude, I rent."
* No, I do own my house. And I spent a little bit of time going "Ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod my house is worth 20% less than it was this time last year!" But then I realised that that's only a problem if I want to sell my house. I just want to live in it. They aren't curtaining off sections of it: "Sorry, man, can't let you into the bathroom. Global financial crisis."
* I did have a brief moment of interest in the economic report, when I discovered that the Vietnamese currency was called the Dong. I'd sit there, going, "Wait for it, wait for it..." "The Dong rose sharply today..." "YES!"
* I have three flatscreen TVs in my house. Last year I got stoned and sat there watching the football on my three flatscreens, with my three cats, crying as the Canterbury Bulldogs lost. Then I ordered pizza. The pizza boy saw my arcade machine and asked if he could have a go, so I was playing an arcade cabinet with the pizza boy, sharing the pizza that I'd paid for. "I'm on TV!"
* My grandfather had cancer, and told me that he just wanted to die with dignity. Of course, I later found out that Dignity was a stripper at the local club. ...Don't you hate it when you think up an awesome joke on the last night? Now I want to call up all the people that saw this show before and say "My grandfather died with Dignity, the stripper!".
* I haven't seen Baz Luhrmann's Australia. I'm 35, and at 35, there's nothing you want to do for three hours than sleep. I said that one night, and a woman yelled out, "What about sex?" If it's taking you three hours, you're doing wrong. It would have to chafe...
Anyway, I haven't seen Australia as a protest against focus groups ruining art. It was originally supposed to have a sad ending where Hugh Jackman's character died... But the focus groups said they wanted a happy ending, so the executives made them change it. If focus groups decided the content of movies, Jaws would not have been a shark! He'd have been a happy dolphin that solved mysteries!
There is one film I think would have benefited from a focus group, though, and that's Titanic. I have an admission to make: I saw Titanic the other day and I didn't hate it as much as I thought I was going to. It's a good movie! Action, suspense, a love story... But the ending sucked! You know when she's lying on that door, there's plenty of room! Why couldn't she move over and let him on as well? It's like, "You didn't mind being cramped when we were in that carriage..."
*bounces* *bounces* *bounces*
-Mmaster |
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