| A fairly ordinary Friday... |
Jul. 25th, 2003|06:26 pm |
I won't bother to do a Steso: "I hate any day, just so you have to listen me whine." But Black thinks that I've been falling into meltdown, and seems to ask me how I am on an hourly basis. Doesn't he see that my mood can change within a minute... Overly cheerful, then something minor happens to irritate me for a while... Then something else makes me laugh, and the bad mood disappears. Sometimes it takes a lot to make it disappear. Sometimes I feel excluded, but I don't feel as if it's anyone's fault, not even my own. Everyone seems to group into these little circles... These are some of the more common ones I watch with a little part of me, usually hidden from view...
Elwin, Bryn, Sarah, Trish, Aviea
Roland, Steson, Bryn, Martin, Robert
Black, Abby, Anna C, Laura
Shaun, Matt, Anton, James, Laura
There's no space for me sometimes... Less often with some. And people wonder why I'm falling into meltdown.
It happened again yesterday... This feeling that I've seen an image before, usually in my dreams. I was sitting in the theatre, staring at the stage with its purple smoke and suddenly I realised that that image had been in my dreams. I spent the rest of the time before the play actually started in this terror... I don't know why. It's happened a couple of times before... Once when I was chatting to Robert, and suddenly he said something and I saw the screen exactly as it had been in my dream. And once when I was reading a book, I froze, and realised everything was identical to the image... Down to the title at the top of the page... The Eye of the World. I'd never heard of the book before the dream, and I forgot about it, until I suddenly realised the phrase I was reading, the way I was sitting, everything were all the same.
Why am I writing about this? It's probably just my imagination, anyway. I don't know, maybe I felt I should write it down somewere. Maybe it's just a way to flesh an entry the would have been fairly barebones otherwise. Oh well. It's done now, andI don't intend on deleting it, so I guess I'll submit it and make you all think I'm even crazier than I think I am.
-Mmaster |
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